Analysing myself by breaking in parts and looking at 1 thing at a time to be able to look at the bigger picture so that the journey can be smoother, one day at a time. Thanks to all the strangers for showing right directions.
Task 1: put down your assessment of yourself in your words. The good. The bad. The ugly.
Things you think are unknown unknowns you can mention as a thought.
The Good Part:
Its almost a good story.. loving, caring, learning, empathising, analysing, understanding, problem solving, happy, full of life and vulnerable.
Through all the life’s experiences, Last 16yrs that I remember has been fun. Life changed directions a few times and made me a person I am today. Lost a lot, received a lot, that’s life so its all good.
To summarize the learning part in short, I would say, I know by goals very well. Connect as many dots as many as possible, keep improvising, get into the depth of unknown unknowns to have fun.
Theoretically, I can probably describe most of the basics of the artefacts required to make it work.
I am a puzzles person, playing since atleast last 10 years, where I have to delete the game from phone to be able to take things out of my head. Yes, I get addicted to puzzles. But that has given me a skill. I would love to look at things as a puzzle, put together to try to find the meaning out of it. If things don’t seem to make sense, some of the variables need to change. May be a simplest things might need to change or may be the whole perspective need to change.
The best part: I was thriving in a small team, where I was able to probably make an impact, but unfortunately, the team lost the game so I lost too.
The Bad Part:
Guess, I’ve not really seen real success in my efforts. On the face, I can always say, I have learnt a lot from my experiences. Would not even like to compare myself with the world out there.
Few things seem to be stagnant, running slow or not even moving.
- Understanding some people and explaining myself has been a tough task in some situations, especially in last 4 months.
- Things went haywire, still not able to summarize as in.. What went wrong? How the expectations were set so out of scope? OR it was just remote work in this particular team that didn’t work where the scale was 100x then I had ever worked upon. But there is no one reason for this horrible experience. There were hundred reasons so I can’t get stuck in there. Just keep the learnings part and forget the rest of it.
- I am not good at time management or planning for that matter.
- Never worked on a plan of more then 3 weeks. Even 3 weeks seem to be huge.
- Life always went south.
The Ugly Part:
There is a lot that I don’t know and don’t understand. Might seem like an excuse to get away but never worked on a high impact thing. OR should I say I was not able to turn anything into high impact thing due to which one of my incompetency..
Timebox 25 mins Over. Analysis after time extended
Because every event in last 4 months had too many variables of too many possible kinds.
My mental models makes me question all the mental models because:
- Each person has their own definition of reality, perceptions and truth.
- I don’t know which mental models worked best in past.
- Future events might have more or less variables.
- Communication was difficult.
I agree, I may not be great at remote communication and I may not have attention to details. But communication is a two way thing, one has to care about listening to be able to respond well. But nevermind, I am not blaming anybody, just because it’s not about everybody but me.
I need to course correct, I need to be little more confident, responsible, dependable then the previous day, for the things that I can manage in my competencies. I know, the possibilities are limitless but I need to be able to say no to what I don’t understand and try not to commit what I can’t do.
Technically, I was not able to influence a single decision in my recent tenure.
Simultaneously I loudly called myself a beginner and tried to hold clubhouse debates as “beginner pm conversations” where nobody usually joined. Though few times I tried resisting working on something which I couldn’t believe in or couldn’t understand. But other’s influence or I should say, their working style and my life’s situations made me give up on resisting and follow along. What would I do if my questions would be tagged as stupid 🤪.
May be, nobody cared about what my strengths were, may be I couldn’t showcase my strengths but since I didn’t even know my strengths
Felt like a mistake but couldn’t be harder on myself, To give up on being myself and stop caring about my family and care about everything that everyone professionally says and simultaneously resolve everything like an ideal possible way. Yeah, there were communication gaps and a lot of other factors too.
May be I should read a book or atleast an article or surf a video about #CausalReductionism. Oh, can’t go through the papers for now but would certainly put them into my to read list: https://philpapers.org/browse/causal-reductionism
Yes, the conversation with the strangers and mostly the psychological ones where opening up felt like being the best version of myself. Made me realise, I am doing just fine. OR as Ranchod Das Chanchad says..
The worst part
I wonder why it sometimes feels like I usually couldn’t take things to finish line.
The Best Part:
I may be slow at everything: Reading, writing, understanding, taking action, making decisions and repeating. But That may the Best Part Too in hindsight.
Being in my 30s where, many things depend upon me. I would rather take great care of few things then just manage everything that’s possible.
I am a proud promoter of slow movement, less but better methodology and idealism. I want to dig deeper into concepts, learn more to be able to make an impact or atleast be useful enough.
I want to live an authentic life while having fun. Fun can be everything that I don’t have to force myself to. I may not know, what is that I don’t like but there is a lot I don’t have an issue with. I can be the most curious, authentic and vulnerable person around.
Seems like I can go on and on and on extending this write up..
May be its time to startup again like its 2012 but I need to be little more of what I am before I take that route. That will be a side project till then.
I don’t think, I know much about this category. If I don’t know, its just the schrodinger’s cat.